I watched you at the book launch …two weeks ago…
You seemed different …
tired. restless. You never believed I can see you there, look in youreyes as you eat the little salmon sundries. I could sense you hated every moment of being there.
You’re in London now I feel. Somehow I think its where you belong. I know you like the anonymity.
I listened to your voice twice this week, on your answering machine. I needed to talk but you arent there. So much to ask you, but in our silence the curiosity lingers. I havent heard you in six months. Soft, gentle always calm, it reassured me. Next week I start the film ~ films within films.You believed in me… only you. Its because of you this has happened~ all of this, this film..
In your films I feel your eyes on me. I watch them to feel your spirit, the person I once knew & love. In this film, this time I will look at you through the lens and when you see me as I know you will, for the first time, you will know me looking at you, no glass, no barrier but just as I looked at you tonight at the book club, cautiously and with alittle pain. A loss.
Stolen precious glances for me, someone saved, unknowingly for me to see you. For me just now when I felt you slipping away…just now when my hand craved yours…and my head needed cradled against you.
